Freakishly Happy

Do you ever have those days when things just fall into place and suddenly you realize that you are at a crossroads of a life changing decision?
I have been mopey and down in the dumps for a couple of months now, ever since getting back to Freiburg from the States. I've just been in a foul mood.

Upon meditating on whether or not I should feel embarrassed about giving the encore (I realize this is silly thing to spend time thinking about, but bear with me) that it didn't matter. That I've been spending WAY too much time thinking about what other people think and not nearly enough time just being myself. So today, unwittingly I let out my inner freak.

The day started off rather bland… even bad. I woke up with an anxiety attack, heart pounding, shaking and just beating myself up with my thoughts. I laid in bed for almost an hour, paralyzed by the thought of having to start the day.
I got out of bed, and decided to stay “screw it” to all of my cares and responsibilities and instead I played Zelda on my laptop. Soon even that became stressful, as my perfectionism overtook the simple task of video –gaming. I HAD to do everything right. Get through the dungeon without losing any health points. And I played and replayed it until I got it right.

Then I showered, as I was going to meet my friend (Get ready for a turning point folks!) but after I showered I found that I had no clothes to wear as it’s been WAY too long since we’ve done laundry so I threw on a dirty pair of jeans, and the funky yellow and orange dress that my sister Jaci gave me for Halloween. I didn’t bother straightening my hair, and instead scrunched in to wild curls, and I looked in the mirror. There was me. The real me.

I hopped on the train where I realized I was at a crossroads. I met up with Jessica and we did some hardcore shopping. I bought stuff that I liked, not stuff that I though other people would like on me. I got some really fabulous and freaky stuff at the second hand store. I’ll post some pictures later.

As we were coming out of the store, we passed some musicians we’d heard earlier. They were fantastic. They are two women from New Orleans, who embodied everything that I was feeling today and I knew I had to buy a CD, something I hardly ever do. Check them out… The Troubadours of Divine Bliss. One had a guitar that was painted with moons and suns and stars in shimmery paint, and the other had a bright red accordion. I’m getting all excited just typing about it.

I feel so whole and centered right now. Like this is something I should have done so long ago. Sigh. I love it when the stars align and everything feels exactly as it should.